A man was found dead in his home in Oregon two weeks ago, most likely of a heart attack. The police identified him, released his name, and waited for his family to claim his body. They never did. His body has been at the morgue for 15 days, and not a single person has come forward and identified themselves as a family member or friend. Not a single coworker, acquaintance, accountant, coffee shop cashier, no one.
That is the loneliest thing in the world. Whose face flashed through his mind when he died? What did he think about?
I’m in some foreign country (she thinks it was Russia) but I can’t come back because my visa has expired. Alex flies to Russia to give me my papers and the Russian officials tell her that it will take 8 months for them to process everything and get me home. Apparently I need to be home in 5 days for something, so Alex asks if there is anything else they could do to get me back to the United States. The Russians tell her the only solution would be to get married, because for some reason that would make it so our visas would be valid and we could fly home. So Alex proposes to me in front of the government people and tries to make it really convincing by writing a long speech about how our “relationship” began and how much she loves me. Then I go shopping for a wedding dress, and she gets stuck with being the butch one in a tux. She’s pissed off for the whole wedding because I’m running around in my really pretty dress showing off my hair and makeup and she’s stuck in a suit that didn’t fit her. Oh, and apparently I made her slick her hair back so it would look more like a real wedding. So we say our vows, I try to kiss Alex in front of the officials. She turns me around so we’re not facing them, puts her hand over my mouth and makes out with her hand, and the Russians believe us. They give us our plane tickets and we go home.